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Have you ever stepped back to watch what really goes on when your children play? As psychologist Lawrence J. Cohen points out, play is children’s way of exploring the world, communicating deep feelings, getting close to those they care about, working through stressful situations, and simply blowing off steam. That’s why “playful parenting” is so important and so successful in building strong, close bonds between parents and children. Through play we join our kids in their world–and help them to
• Express and understand complex emotions
• Break through shyness, anger, and fear
• Empower themselves and respect diversity
• Play their way through sibling rivalry
• Cooperate without power struggles
From eliciting a giggle during baby’s first game of peekaboo to cracking jokes with a teenager while hanging out at the mall, Playful Parenting is a complete guide to using play to raise confident children. Written with love and humor, brimming with good advice and revealing anecdotes, and grounded in the latest research, this book will make you laugh even as it makes you wise in the ways of being an effective, enthusiastic parent.
- Sales Rank: #10785 in Books
- Brand: Cohen, Lawrence J., Ph.D.
- Published on: 2002-04-30
- Released on: 2002-04-30
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.18" h x .73" w x 5.49" l, .62 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 320 pages
Amazon.com Review
Tag, you're it! In Playful Parenting, Lawrence Cohen demonstrates that parents need to lighten up and spend a few hours giggling with their kids. Play is inherently educational for children, he claims, and parents can learn plenty by examining the games kids play--from peekaboo to practical jokes.
Cohen is quick to point out that no matter what your child's temperament, she has a playful side. In its most basic form, play is a way to communicate. The author examines, with plenty of hilarious personal anecdotes, the details of play at every age and across genders. From his daughter and a new male friend discussing how "cool" nuclear weapons are and how "gross" a love song is, to a younger child zooming full-speed around a park at a birthday party, we're shown the exuberant truth behind playing: not only is it just plain fun, it can spark a variety of important sensations. One short section discusses the common phenomenon of happy giggling turning instantly to tears. Cohen suggests that "the fun play opens the emotional door to let out the giggles, and a flood of other feelings come pouring out after." Some specific ideas for games are included, and you'll find recommendations for everything from play wrestling to gentle storytelling. One chapter focuses on how to cope with play you don't find enjoyable, and how learning to appreciate these games can lead to surprising emotional insights. This is where Cohen's years of practice come in handy--it may be true that we all play, but not everyone immediately grasps the underlying messages. This is not simply a book filled with family activities, but rather an exploration of play for all ages. --Jill Lightner
From Publishers Weekly
"Pretend... that we're really gonna be late and you're really mad," Emma, daughter of psychologist and play therapist Cohen, whispered one morning, cleverly transforming their morning ritual his grumpy attempt to get her off to preschool into a fun game. According to Cohen, children of all ages have an ongoing need for connectedness, security and attachment; playful interaction with parents is an important way to develop such bonds. Through play, parents can help their kids develop greater confidence, express bottled up or difficult feelings, recover from daily emotional upheavals, negotiate agreements, express love and not least have fun. In his therapy practice, Cohen has used play to help both severely troubled and securely attached kids negotiate the daily travails of life; he demonstrates how to prevent and address serious problems with silliness and laughter. Cohen acknowledges that it is sometimes difficult for busy and harried parents to relearn play, and that playtime is both physically challenging and tiring. However, using examples from his practice, research and personal experience, he intelligently guides parents through the possibilities awaiting them if they are willing and able to loosen up. The book explores play with compassion, but is often so funny that parents will find themselves chortling out loud with recognition and anticipation. Agent, Josh Horwitz. (On-sale date: May 29)Forecast: Cohen takes his practice on the road for a five-city author tour, which should help convince the Scrooge-like of play's primacy. His lessons on the deflection of anger are applicable beyond the m‚nage.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
"We all know we are supposed to turn off the TV and spend more time together," writes psychologist and Boston Globe columnist Cohen, "but then what?" Good question. Cohen provides some answers in this thorough, practical guide to the role of play in parenting. Chapters (e.g., "Join Children in Their World") describe how play can assist in decoding behavior and unspoken emotions while enabling parents to forge intimate connections. Cohen reminds us "that play is fun" and when we play with children on their terms "we unlock the door to their inner lives and meet them heart to heart." Cohen occasionally generalizes, e.g., "untrained in nurturing, men feel helpless," when attempting to bond with children. On the whole, however, this is a sound and useful book. Reminiscent of Alvin Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise's refreshing Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Children by Trying Too Hard? (LJ 2/15/00), this book is recommended for all public libraries. Douglas C. Lord, Hartford P.L., CT
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Most helpful customer reviews
157 of 164 people found the following review helpful.
Great Advice Mingled with some Guilt-Genre Red Flags
By Meredith Bartron
I'll start by saying I liked the book. I read a lot of parenting books because 1) I have a rather spirited two year old (and an infant) and 2) I happen to find this particular genre of study fascinating. Since I read so many and am familiar with the kid-help writing style, I tend to be skeptical of any parenting book that has found "the way," even while realizing that if you are going to write a book, you might as well give your opinion with confidence (I worry more about a person who reads one book and thinks they have discovered the meaning of parenting because Dr. So and So told them all studies point this way). I can't give the book five stars because it feeds into the "you are never playing enough with or doing enough for and if you did cry it out you have scarred your children even though I have no evidence other than a hunch" theories. Let's face it, parents spend more time playing with their children today than likely any other time in human history. We are doing enough. That said, we probably aren't playing smartly, and this is where the book had great value and why I would ultimately recommend it. I've tried a couple of the techniques, like pretending to scream and making it a game when you actually really want to scream, or singing instructions, or my favorite-grabbing a toy and running when two kids won't stop fighting over it-and they all helped the mood in our family a lot. Simply by reading this book, I find myself engaging more when I play with my daughter (I'm a stay at home mom, so I have a lot of time to play). When she clings to me, I turn the tables and pretend like I can't let her go until she is the one complaining about me clinging. I would never have thought of that. So yes, the book is good, but, no, it is not perfect and don't beat yourself up if you don't agree with everything the author says or find some of the advice suffocating. I've noticed that all experts present facts, yet a good portion of the experts disagree, meaning take what works for you and leave the rest alone because no one psychologist or doctor or pediatrician has discovered THE WAY.
49 of 50 people found the following review helpful.
Not just for the NEW Parent
By J. Condon
Ok, I'll admit it. Judging from the results, I thought I was a pretty great mom. My 20 year old and my 13 year old are both bright, mature, responsible, independent human beings.
But now, being the 43 year old mom of an "oops baby" 16 month old, has allowed me to give it one more try. And I thought the one thing I had really lacked before was being more playful with my kids. So naturally, I bought this book.
The first thing I want to say is, I could only take the book in small doses. Not that it wasn't written well, but after only a little while, it started to sound all the same and I started to tune out. (I think I also read 3 novels along with this book, in the time it took me to finish this).
Having said that, I think I am really glad it took me so long to read it. The things in the book have really stayed with me.
I have always been from the school of natural consequences (and still am, really) but this book made me think about different ways to discipline and the reasons behind the acting out in the first place (generally a disconnect somewhere- He has a great analogy of the child's cup needing to be filled with love and connection).
I don't agree with a previous review about it being for kids over 3. In fact I think this would a be a GREAT gift for a baby shower.
I have an example from just last night. My husband came home from work. My 16 month old is a real daddy's girl, but last night she for the first time did not rush over to him to be picked up. In fact she wouldn't go to him at all. Before reading this book, I wouldn't have thought much about this. My husband started to get a little irritated "Ok, fine I'll just eat dinner, I'm starving blah, blah blah..". I immediately said, "she is feeling rejected because she doesn't get to see you much during the week, so she is doing the only thing she can with her 16 month old mind, she is rejecting you first." Where the heck did that come from? Also I said that if we let this go tonight, it would just get worse every night and pretty soon she would saying, Daddy who?
So I said, "You really need to get down on the floor and connect with her, now, so we can stop this in its tracks" So he did and said, "Ok now what?" cause she still would not even look at him. I did the first thing that came to mind. I took the nearest piece of cloth I could find (a placemat) and did the "where's Daddy?" peek-a-boo. Magic. She started giggling and playing with him and the evening was saved.
Duh, simple you say? Yeah, maybe. That is was playful parenting is all about. But I really would not have thought to do that if I had not read the book. My husband thought I was a genius (Ok, I didn't tell him I got it from the book!)
One more thing. The author really gets that playing with the kids can be boring, time consuming, and worse. And he talks about his mistakes in this process too. He does not in any way talk down to the reader.
60 of 64 people found the following review helpful.
The BEST Parenting Book Around
By Kelly
I whole heartedly recommend this book to ALL parents. Dr. Cohen's ideas completely changed the tone of our household. We were going through a very difficult phase with our 3 year old that was turning into a downward spiral of negativity. Nobody liked the way things were going. We'd read a mountain of "discipline" books, none of which was helpful in our situation. However, reading & following through on Dr. Cohen's book helped us completely turn our situation around - we now have a very HAPPY, joy-filled and fun home. Using the suggestions in this book I was better able to understand my daughter's behavior and I used many of his suggestions to connect with her. She has literally *blossomed* under this treatment - she's just a fantastic, happy little girl.
I am SO grateful to Dr. Cohen - he has helped me to become a much, much better parent and has given us a whole arsenal of wonderful parenting tools to help shape our children in very positive ways. If I could pick only one book on parenting and discipline, this would be it.
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