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Why are the teen years fraught with crisis for so many girls? Why do so many mother-daughter relationships deteriorate drastically at this time? When her own teenage daughter began to spiral out of control, therapist Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D., launched a nationwide search to find answers— and hope. In this inspiring, compassionate book, Dellasega shares the strength and the wisdom of mothers who have seen their daughters through the tumult of adolescence.
Drawing on the experiences of scores of mothers and daughters, Dellasega takes a hard look at the lives of girls in crisis—once happy, carefree children who are now struggling with eating disorders, unplanned pregnancies, substance abuse, and severe mental problems. These are stories of girls on the edge, and mothers who are trying everything to save them. Yet even in the most desperate situations, Dellasega hears the same clear message: the key to survival is the support and the understanding of others going through the same thing.
Surviving Ophelia is a book that provides the community that mothers of troubled teenage girls need more than anything. Powerful and heartfelt, this book captures both the pain and the strength of mothers who are living with the daily challenge of raising teenage daughters today.
- Sales Rank: #351843 in Books
- Brand: Dellasega, Cheryl
- Published on: 2002-10-01
- Released on: 2002-10-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.24" h x .56" w x 5.49" l, .48 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 270 pages
Amazon.com Review
Surviving Ophelia by Cheryl Dellasega, a clinician at Penn State's College of Medicine and a mother of three, provides a community for mothers who, like she, have the often bewildering and unnerving task of raising a teenage girl (an Ophelia) in trouble. By describing her own heartbreaking experience and compiling the stories and poems of hundreds of mothers across the country, Dellasega paints a picture of lost teenage girls and their mothers' fights to save not only their relationships, but often their daughters' lives. The book succeeds because the mothers describe distressing times candidly and openly, not in hushed tones often used when relaying deep family issues.
In response to Mary Pipher's bestselling Reviving Ophelia, these mothers share their thoughts and feelings on a multitude of topics including eating disorders, fitting in, depression, institutions, rebellion and boundaries, the absence or presence of fathers, and the "crazy soup emotions" of love, anger, and frustration. Surviving Ophelia is evidence that each teenager's situation is unparalleled, and Dellasega does not offer any finite solutions to the tumultuous teen years. Instead, the author and mothers provide parenting ideas, from the practical to the radical, and measure their own success and failure. In one letter titled, "Tears from a Rose," mother Rose states, "What I do for a living, what my real name is, and where I live seem irrelevant. What defines me is the hell I've lived through, and what I've learned along the way... I'd like to help other parents avoid some of the traps I fell into and find some of the helpful things I discovered."
The end of this book provides an appendix where mothers can find help for themselves and for their troubled daughters. It also includes letters from some of the mothers' daughters. These Ophelias describe challenges from their own points of view and share how they're feeling currently. --Rhonda Langdon
From Publishers Weekly
If there were any doubt that Mary Pipher's 1994 bestseller Reviving Ophelia spawned a virtual cottage industry about teenage girls at risk, the latest Ophelia-related title by psychologist Dellasega (a clinician at Penn State's College of Medicine) lays it to rest. The book follows close on the heels of Ophelia's Mom (Forecasts, June 25), Nina Shandler's response to her daughter Sara's 2001 bestseller, Ophelia Speaks. Both Dellasega and Shandler have chosen to use Sara Shandler's approach and collect various essays, but while Nina Shandler structured each chapter of her book around specific problems, such as drugs or school, Dellasega chooses a more sprawling, conversational approach. Her chapters discuss the types of responses that out-of-control daughters elicit in their mothers, from special mother-daughter moments to explosive anger and regret. Despite the uneven quality of the selections (they range from thoughtful to clich‚d), they share a raw immediacy that may help other moms. In fact, Dellasega credits some of the pieces with giving her the courage to send her daughter, Ellen, to a "wilderness program" to overcome anorexia. Like the mother who penned the excerpt "Tears from a Rose," the contributors are women who have tried to do their best, even when that wasn't always enough. "What happens when you do everything as right as you can, and it all goes wrong?" she questions. Interwoven throughout are Dellasega's ongoing concerns about Ellen, now 17. While it's obvious that the author wrote the book to overcome her struggles with her own teenager, there are lessons here that will help every mother dealing with an adolescent daughter.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
Review
''This courageous book offers clear insight and direction to mothers struggling with how to help their daughters restore their future while they reclaim their own lives.'' --Carol Maxym, co-author of Teens in Turmoil
''Thank you [Cheryl Dellasega] for showing mothers everywhere that we are not alone in our struggle to help our daughters. . . Surviving Ophelia is mesmerizing and the truth of its stories resonates.'' --Sue Wellman, President, The Ophelia Project
''[The selections] share a raw immediacy . . . there are lessons here that will help every mother dealing with an adolescent daughter.'' --Publishers Weekly
''By describing her own heartbreaking experience and compiling the stories and poems of hundreds of mothers across the country, Dellasega paints a picture of lost teenage girls and their mothers' fights to save not only their relationships, but often their daughters' lives. The book succeeds because the mothers describe distressing times candidly and openly, not in hushed tones often used when relaying deep family issues.'' --Amazon.com Review
Most helpful customer reviews
24 of 24 people found the following review helpful.
Releif to Know I Am Not Alone
By A Customer
What an extraordinary book! I received this book in the mail when the pain over my 17 year old daughter leaving home, for no apparent reason, had just reached the "unbearable" stage. Through tears, I read the entire book within 24 hours. Before reading "Surviving Ophelia", I felt like the only (parenting professional) mom in the world who has poured 110% into my daughter only to suffer the ultimate pain. The question is always, "Why?" While my daughter is out in the world putting herself in harms way, I stand in the "gap" of, "Nothing we can do, she's 17." This book provided a blatant dose of solace, links to some tangible help and yielded some sense to a senseless situation. In essence, sometimes it's not about the child. Sometimes it is not about the way we parent. Sometimes there is no pat answer and no one to blame. I think any mother who is going through a rough time with her adolescent daughter can learn, and grow, and find strength in the words of "Surviving Ophelia." If you are looking for psycho-babble and parenting advice this is not that kind of book. If you are looking for good reading, mature insight and a bright ray of hope, this book passes many parenting books by a mile.
14 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
disappointing
By Perspective of a psychotherapist
As a therapist who works with adolescents, particularly those who have been labeled "at-risk" for their behaviors and those that have been referred by the judicial system, I found Surviving Ophelia to be a disappointing and frustrating book. I would pick it up in hopes of some insight and then put it back down, frustrated.
While the book is powerful in the sense of solidarity it creates, the knowingness that parents are not alone, I would not suggest it. There were times that it felt more like a rant than a support group, more like listening to an angry teen that had grown up to be a parent of an angry teen than parents who had really educated themselves on how to aid their children.
The perspective Dellasega seems to come from is one that is rooted in the "parent knows best" approach that disqualifies the teens experience. In my experience, the parents I see with this therapy are the least likely to be able to change their relationships with their teens and are the least likely to see their teens develop into successful young adults.
If you are looking for support in knowing that you are not alone and that having a tough teen does not mean that you are a bad parent, then this book might be worth flipping through.
If you are seeking guidance into how to handle your teen, then avoid this book.
15 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
Many Mothers share insight & their personal stories ...
By Bernadette A. Moyer
Many mothers share their insight and their personal stories on raising teenage daughters. Cheryl Dellasega has created a book that allows mothers across the country to share their own personal challenges on raising teenage daughters.
You will read about anorexia, dishonesty, vulnerabilities, crisis intervention, boundaries, love, survival and so much more. Cheryl's book is a gift and like many gift's it was born of pain. She reveals much of herself and her own struggles with her teenage daughter Ellen. Ellen writes a piece in the end as to where they are now. Her portion brought me to tears as her relationship with her mother remains intact.
Many other mothers were not so lucky some have lost their daughters to death others to estrangement. The underlying sense from all mothers is of love and wanting to do their best even when faced with situations they find themselves ill prepared. Raising a daughter with difficulties can push an otherwise proud mother into isolation. Isolation from her peer parents. Mothers tend to take their daughters difficulties on as though they have failed. This book gives you a sense of community, a book that allows mothers to feel less isolated.
Congratulations Cheryl, you did it! My own written contribution appears in Chapter 14 titled "Ophelia: With and Without Fathers." Well researched and well written for any/every mother of a daughter.
Ten years later and the stories are still relevant. The mother-daughter relationship is said to be the most complex and complicated of all relationships and can offer the greatest rewards and the most gut wrenching of challenges.
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